Hm. It looks like I've found an explanation for my mysterious and random nosebleeds, and if we consider it this way, they aren't all that random. Or mysterious. Apparently, the more hungover I am, the greater the nosebleed. It's not really the amount of drinks I have had, more like how tired and worn I am the day after. Bit sleepy = little to no nosebleed. Slept only a few hours and having a rough day = looot of blood and also dizziness. And coffee seems to worsen it too.
This does not explain, however, why these nosebleeds occurred after I've moved away for university. After all, I used to drink a lot more before that. Ah, who cares.
My mom told me today that there's a girl, 17, in her school who reminds her of me, a lot. Rocker(ish) T-shirts, lot of bracelets, very self-conscious, and has a strong opinion about almost everything.
Well, I indeed can recall being like that when I was her age, but that is not me anymore. I remember boasting about how I never give up anything, I go on if I can see any route, and just fight, regardless of the injuries I may get, and come out victorious in the end. Nowadays, it has happened countless times that I make a timid move, and at the first sign of pain, I turn around and whimper away, and I don't even dare to look back.
WTF, self? I used to get out there, and greet anything with open arms. Now I'd much rather allow all the questions to consume me than to actually do something. This is why I hate growing up and grown-ups. I know I've grown far too proud to stand up and take the necessary steps I used to take before. And even though I know they lead to success in one form or another, I can't bring myself to do it. Where's the ambition? Where did the urge to move go?...
This has got to stop. I simply cannot watch everything go by. Wish me luck :)
And yes, btw, I was totally rambling about taking the initiative in a relationship :P


